This time last year I was making what can only be described as animal noises between trying to suck the life out of the gas machine the midwives had given me! I was begging for more pathedine, but sadly the midwives had given me the maximum dosage already for 24hours thinking that Hollie was well on her way, so my pain relief had actually been REDUCED! I remember Luke looking absolutely petrified and saying over and over how he felt useless. (Luke, if you're reading this you definitely were NOT useless, just you being there made me calmer and feel safer) and my mum was fantastic at reminding me to breathe (yes, I did need reminding! It was NOT coming naturally!) I was still on a post maternity ward where the 2 other women in the ward had their babies with them and also their families and friends visiting. I wasn't allowed to have the curtains closed as I was obviously needing to be observed but they were so understaffed the observation came in the form of looking through the doorway as they passed down the corridor (hence them demanding my curtain be open so they didn't have the 'effort' of of coming into the communal room to look behind the curtain!!!) I can only imagine how horrific it looked to all the others in the room! I heard a child at one point say "mummy why is the lady screaming?!" Oh dear! Haha!
The rest of the story gets a little bit gory and personal, so I will leave it there!
The rest, as they say- is history!
Hollie was born at 5.17pm and was (and has continued to be) the most beautiful, joyous baby girl. Hearing her cry was like nectar from the Gods and although almost completely out of it and still stuck to the operating table it was one of the most amazing experiences to watch Luke hold Hollie and describe it as she opened her eyes. He has always tells me it is one of the most sacred moments in his life to watch Hollie open her eyes and her life begin.
I now can't imagine life without Hollie. It nearly broke my heart completely in two waiting for her (or any baby!) to arrive in our lives and now it feels like all that heartache and loneliness was more than worth it to be able to have Hollie in our family.
Motherhood is still something I am working on- I'm so grateful Hollie is so patient and loving and forgiving. She was definitely designed to put up with a Mum like me! Everyday is just a joy with her in it. It feels like the sun shines a little brighter just because our Hollie is here.
Today we are celebrating Hollies birthday by having a girls day with Mummy & MarMar. Then Daddy is coming back from work and we will go to Great Nannas for a tea party with some of my family. We've kept it quiet and simple because I just want to enjoy Hollie while I can! I can see years of birthdays when Hollie just wants to be with her friends or even her boyfriend (!!!!!!!!) so for today I will make the most of her wanting me :o)
Here are some photos of Hollie Pop a year ago and then a year on!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY HOLLIE!
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